In September of 2003 I sent this message to my friends, having just returned from Italy where I “met” my mother again…
—————–e-mail dated 10-3-2003…………………………………….
Hello Friends:
I returned yesterday after almost a week in Italy- a rather eventful week during which I saw my mother for the first time in 35+ years. I also managed to make my first (and ONLY) appearance on Italian Television-
I have to say, I am not sure which of the two was more traumatic:)
Meeting my mother has been a dream of mine for many years. In many ways, she is exactly what I expected and in just as many ways she is not.
The relief I feel in finally knowing where she is is hard to describe. I still feel numb and it will probably take me a while to process everything.
My mother lives about 60 miles from Rome and I am her only child. She’s quite an interesting woman, speaks 4 languages and loves music,art and horses. While I can’t yet say what role she will play in my future, I am incredibly happy to have an opportunity to find out.
I want to thank all of you from the bottom of my heart for all the prayers and good vibes you’ve supplied during these last two weeks.
A extra special thank you to the BEST best friend a girl could ever have. Amy was my rock throughout this week- she managed to keep me sane and steady and laughing. She also kept me from walking out about an hour before my big television debut and took on a horde of Italian speaking, chain smoking TV producers all by herself. Somehow, she did not loose her mind in the process! I could never have done this without her.
Here is a linkto the TV Show’s web-site with a photo of my mother. Sorry it’s in Italian- Janeen said there is an English page but I could not find it. Please forward this to any interested parties I may have missed.
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Fast Forward to today
So much has happened! My mother and I have seen each other 4 times since then, which is pretty good considering we live on opposite continents. Nikki and I are headed back to Italy tomorrow, to celebrate my Mothers Wedding to Francesco and we are both very excited.
Getting to know each other hasn’t been easy for either of us but it’s been such a gift. I think that unbeknown to me (or her) our Reunion has healed and changed us for the better. I am still not the most trusting soul but I am getting better. It’s been 5 years since I’ve had to wonder where my mother is. I’ve had 5 opportunities to wish her a Happy Birthday. 4 Mothers Days. Presents, Cards, Pictures and Letters that have begun to make a dent in that big void that used to exist in my heart. I don’t think our relationship will ever be a conventional Mother/Daughter relationship-whatever that means. I still get frustrated with trying to communicate my feelings and thoughts without stumbling over the language barrier– we have our own mix of German, Italian and English which has yet to be named. She’s definitely the one who has an easier time weaving me into her life, her past and her future. I still get angry sometimes trying to understand our separation and the impact it has had on both of our lives. But the GOOD, the really good that has emerged from our Reunion far outweighs the challenges. Each visit gets a little easier and I am SO excited that I get to be a part of her Wedding. During our week in Italy, we will also be celebrating Nikki’s 16th Birthday and my 42nd Birthday– which will be the first time I am spending my birthday with my mother since December 13th, 1966. Life is good. It really is.
